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Fear of what? Fear of losing your job? isn't a new job coming anyway? That the relationship might end? Isn't the Universe doing a good job of guiding your life? when it's supposed to end, it will end. What are you worried about?
It's a precarious dance. We are supposed to show up and participate 100% in our lives and be detached from the outcome. It is called jivamukti - being liberated while alive. Put all you have into the relationship and when it goes well, be grateful. When it completely falls apart, be at peace. You did your best and learned from it. Do your work enthusiastically and then relinquish your power over the results.
When my son was 4 months old, he fell asleep for 7 hours straight. I did my prayers, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the house and then started getting very nervous. Was he still breathing? He was in such a deep sleep it was hard to tell. Was his chest rising and falling? Or were my eyes playing tricks on me? Oh my God what if he's dead? Wouldn't he be turning blue? should I be calling 9-1-1? Being a young mother, I was beside myself with fear and doubt. He wasn't turning blue, but I couldn't wake him up either. I sat down and cried.
I cried for not knowing. I cried for fear of losing him. I finally sat with myself and realized that if my son was going to die, he would die. I had no say in the matter. If God wanted to take him away from me, all I could do was offer my blessings and be happy for the short time I had been able to spend with him. I came out of the experience with clarity and gratefulness. My son eventually woke up. To this day, he sleeps like a hibernating bear and will not wake up even to three alarm clocks blaring in his ear. (I didn't know him that well then!)
What are we afraid of? That it won't work out? Play it out in your head. If the relationship continues to deteriorate, you will separate and start new lives. Is that bad? Maybe that's a good thing. If you lose your temper and finally tell your boss what you really think, will that be a disaster? Isn't it about time you let loose and said what you really felt?
We dance between being afraid to get involved to being afraid to let go. We are afraid of growing - it will mean losing some connections. We're afraid of stagnating - it will mean dying a slow death with no change of heart. We're afraid of all of it - the good stuff and the bad stuff. It's ridiculous. Once someone asked Shri Shivabalayogi (www.shiva.org) about fear. He said, "Fear is part of the incarnation." How can you remove fear from an experience that is so full of change and possibilities?
As we grow, aspects of who we are arise and beg to be strengthened. Inner work creates an outward change. Our lives change. Sometimes growing means we lose contact with our friends, lover or spouse. Everyone grows at different rates and different times. Sometimes the job or the spouse is no longer helping you grow.
There was a man who went to see Ammachi (www.amma.org). He asked her to speed up his karmas. She just shooed him away. He asked again. She laughed. The swami who was translating said, "I don't think you really want to ask this question." The man asked again, and Ammachi said "Okay." Shortly thereafter he lost the two television networks he owned, his marriage fell apart and he had to move. His karmas sped up and he was propelled into a new life. He recovered and started the Amrita TV network. (www.amritatv.com). Who has the courage to ask this question?
My way of dealing with the dilemma is to trust my soul. I have to trust that I am guided in the right direction for my growth. If it falls apart, it falls apart. I have to attend to my life with care and kindness and accompany my soul to its intended goal. Worrying is praying for what you don't want, so I try to cut it right away with a positive affirmation. I ask for whole minded people to come into my life. I see the changes as my doorway to a new level of consciousness. I welcome the opportunity to serve the soul and create a life I love.
Wah! is a musician and spiritual seeker who travels the world singing and expanding sacred intention. You can reach her through www.wahmusic.com